In Earnest
MAR. + APR. 2023 Newsletter
Hello readers, here is a delayed newsletter for the month of March and April —
I spent the month of March traveling around Europe and the month of April back home, reflecting a little and writing a bunch.
This month I posted new essays about Roman bricks, the Sagrada Familia, and domes. In each of these designs, there is environmental influence that left me feeling…affected.
Separately from, but also perhaps through these essays I’ve been contemplating my own beliefs lately: what feels real to me, where I feel Power and Life, things like that. Feeling depressed and nihilistic (things I’ve written about before) is exhausting — though I can recognize the beautiful things that surround me, I don’t often appreciate them as deeply as I want to. Coming out of despair, I want something to hold on to, fleeting moments at least, or welcome places that feel like extreme presence in this precise moment. What would it mean to feel that? What if it wasn’t fleeting, if I could feel it all the time?
All to say, I went on this trip looking out for god, and I’m not sure exactly what I found — but I did find something in these buildings. And maybe that’s a first step of finding god — looking within things that are recognizable, diagnosable, understandable, like the shape of an arch or the way a pretty flower makes you feel. If god exists, then it must be everything and everywhere, and it makes sense to look in the places you feel affected by first.
Ok, and let me just say: I don’t want any of this to come off as preachy (I CRINGE at the idea of this becoming a religious or spiritual blog) but I do want to be truthful in my writing. Even though it is vulnerable and potentially ostracizing to write about these types of things, it feels wrong to also only write half the story — to talk about design without tying it back to the spiritual realm. I’m still figuring it out, but that’s the point here — a processing space, means of understanding in this ongoing experience of life.
I want to remind my readers why I care so much about design. It’s not just to have something to write about, a framework for analyzing the things that I see. It’s not just because it is the field I was a professional in, so I ought to carry on thinking about it for the purpose of career growth. It’s more like: I am sensitive, and I experience sensitivity to space. I want to explore what that subtle internal feeling means. Less from a psychological perspective, which is also fascinating, but more from a spiritual one. Something that is beyond the mind space, that takes form in the body. What does it feel like to be moved? And what does it mean to feel like these experiences change us? Also, does it matter?
I’ve had some thoughts about this blog — like it’s not important, or no one’s really listening, or if they are, then they’re judging me. But then I come back to my original intention which is just to write and to process and to believe in myself enough to share it. I don’t know where this project will lead me, but instead of shying away from how I might be perceived by my writing, I want to lean into what it means to me, and try to connect with people earnestly. If that feels off to you, or all this talk of spirituality feels disturbing, I totally understand if you unsubscribe. There are no hard feelings — each of you knows what you need the best. Also I’m not saying this will be the vibe forever, it’s just right now. (In fact, I hope to myself that I stop this type of writing once and for all…. but again, in the vein of acceptance, it is what it is.)
The essays I wrote in April helped me dive into some of these thoughts from a physical orientation. They are little historic explorations into three places I visited in March: Rome, Barcelona, and Florence.
The first is a study of the bricks that composed the Ancient Roman ruins. I was struck not only by their fragmented arching forms, but that it was this familiar and favorite material that allowed for the longevity of ancient buildings and their rounded shapes.
In every city I visited, there was a duomo, a central cathedral.
My most favorite cathedral (and the most distinctive of all) was Gaudí’s Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. I hadn’t seen images of what to expect inside, and was struck by the sublimity of design: vastness of the ceilings above, the way light shifted through the tree-like columns, spirals, and branches and the varied material tones. It was the intentional design features that left me feeling spiritually moved. When I exited Sagrada Familia, I felt different than before. Not like I had been converted, but definitely something had shifted. I write less about this shift and more about the design itself in my essay.
The third piece I wrote this month is about the Renaissance dome, modeled after the Pantheon of Ancient Rome. The dome (!!!) is another structural element that emulates nature and is intended to emulate mankind's reach to the heavens through a physical structure, moving the axis to god down to the human scale, allowing the public to feel like the heavens were accessible. There is a peaceful feeling, held safely within the roundness of the dome and allowed spaciousness into the dome above, encouraging an extension of self. There is a feeling of literal centeredness inside the dome, as the old architects intended it.
In both my experiences and my studies, I’ve found the greatest spiritual meaning in the environment, and so it is no coincidence that these biometric designs do, and are meant to, bring a sense of peace and connection with the greater order, just as they are designed to emulate them. Although I came to these three essay topics separately by just noting the places that affected me the most (and took up majority of my camera roll), I realize now as I’m writing this newsletter how well they each touch on the nature of design, and are each studies of architecture that are meant to bring us closer to god. In earnest, I think these are pretty amazing concepts and had fun thinking about them this month. Read if you’re interested and share if you’d like.
I read a lot of books the past few months, but real quick here are my top three. You can respond to this email and I’d be so down to talk more about any of them.
Bliss Montage - Ling Ma
Short stories, extremely hypnotizing surreal experiences of present reality. Read if you’re thinking about time, relationships, purpose of life, want to be entertained by excellent stories and beautiful prose.
“It is in the most surreal situations that a person feels the most present, the closest to reality.”
Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Read if you’re looking for a timeless romantic drama. Very beautiful, quick read. Inspired me to reread the Iliad, so that’s something.
Ongoingness: The End of a Diary - Sarah Manguso
Read if you are also an obsessive journal-keeper and wrestle with the concept of time, present moment, fear of mortality, and what it means to be a person.
“I came to understand that the forgotten moments are the price of continued participation in life, a force indifferent to time.”
May: the month of flowers and getting sun on your skin in any possible moment.
I would love to hear from you <3
See you out there,
Nora
amazing and beautiful sweet nora <3 thank you for sharing